Last week for the first time in my career I applied for a job as a writer on a TV show. Not very often you find postings for writer positions. Most often working writers live in a pool of nepotism; being hired by producers they have worked with before, or by fellow writers who know them well.
The ad was vague. Not mentioning the name of the show, it only read that the show was a nationally broadcast comedy on one of Canada's major networks. That peaked my interest.
Thinking outside the box, my cover letter and resume was more of a comic short story than a standard application. My thinking was, if the show is looking for funny writers, then I will show them "my funny". It paid off.
Being notified that out of 300 applicants, I had been short listed. It goes without saying that I was pleased with myself.
The production company scheduled me in for not an interview, but an audition. It was to become clear why this was an audition and not a job interview, there was no interviewing to be had.
My 2 hour commute got my to the production office 2 hours early, so it gave me plenty of time to sit at the neighbour pastry shop and prepare myself for the scheduled 5 hour interview/ audition. Did Corey just say 5 hours? Yes that is right, 5 hours.
When I arrived for my 10:45am meeting, it was straight to work. I was processed by who I think was the office production coordinator, though she didn't introduce herself at at. There was no meet and greet chit chat or pre-interview get-to-know-you talk. A desk was assigned to me, along with an assignment sheet and a DVD of clips.
From what I could tell, I was the only person auditioning at the time. Maybe even that day, being I was there for so long. There were only two other office personal in the room with me, and a third person who would come and go.
Sitting down at the desk, I fired up my borrow laptop, and didn't come up for air until I was finished, 5 hour later. Not once in that time did I have any contact from anyone working in the office. Even to ask me how it was going? I found that strange. When finished, the coordinator seemed very uninterested that I was leaving. However, I was done and felt pretty good about the work I did.
Let me preface this paragraph with the note of how hard it is to writer cold turkey, for characters you don't know, that are on a show you have never seen.
The entire audition was obviously, writing. I was given three assignments which each had three of four segments to them. The first assignment was to write some voice over monologue for the main character. One the DVD was a set up clip of a scene. The second clip was the voice over clip I had to write for. It was a montage sequence, so all the voice over needed to be one-liners. As I said, it is tricky to write something funny in the voice of a character, when you don't have any exposure to that character.
The second assignment was to write two bridge scenes. One the DVD I was given a set up scene, then followed the end scene. The assignment was to fill in the gap with two more scenes to get the main character from A to B. The end scene also asked for more voice over material. Even though it was longer, this was actually easier to write than the one-liner voice overs.
The third assignment was what they called the "brain storming" part. There were five different scenarios for the main character to be in, and I was asked to expand on each one. This was relatively easy to do, however, because it was the end of the day, and less structured of an assignment, I just rushed it out and didn't put a lot of effort or thought into it. Which is always a good way to approach impressing someone.
For those of us who write, writing is easy. Writing well is hard. Writing in someone else's style is impossible.
From the casting that I have done in the past, I always compared the audition process to a first date. It's an uncomfortable, nervous situation. You do not know what to expect. And you are trying your best to impress the other person. However, to make a match you have to have that chemistry. Either you fit or you don't. If you don't its not a mark against you, there is just no compatibility.
The show itself will remain nameless. It was a program that I had never heard of or seen before. The concept was great, using a "Larry Sanders Show" format. Real movie stars are interviewed in real press junket situations. Then scripted stories are written to lead up or follow that interview. However the show is produced on a nothing budget, and this prevents it from reaching its full potential. They have to settle and make do, and this hurts them in my opinion.
If you have seen the show, you will recognise the description right away. If you haven't seen it, I will tell you to watch only if I get the writers job.
Or to make myself feel better, I am reminded that not every big star or director gets every movie they want, because they might not be right for it. They are still great at what they do, but just not picked for that certain one. For me, I wrote in the voice that I write. If they like it and it works for them, that's good for everyone. If not, then that's how it is.
Where I might have screwed myself had nothing to do with my writing skills. The one call back I received from the production company was about my status as an Ontario resident. All Canadian TV shows fund themselves in part with provincial Tax Credits. Shoot in the province and hire local people, and you get huge tax breaks on your costs. Well, I am not an Ontario resident, on paper. I have been here for years, but do not have a provincial driver license or hospital insurance.
* note to self: If you want to work in Ontario, you got to be from Ontario.
After some fiddling, I have found that my old Movie Magic Screen Writer program will work on this new Windows 7. No more excuses. No more dragging my feet. No more not writing. Click click clack clack.
